


Dysphoria days

by hourtohourtohour



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Enjolras, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourtohourtohour/pseuds/hourtohourtohour
Summary: Enjolras is on his period and can't escape the dysphoria that ensues.





	Dysphoria days

**Author's Note:**

> I'm feeling dysphoria today too because I'm on my period so I decided to channel my feelings into Enjolras.

Enjolras is drowning. Drowning in silence, drowning is isolation, drowning in dysphoria. He tries to take a breath but he is locked inside his body, a body he has never felt is really his own. His ribs are a cage that traps his beating heart. He meets his own eyes in the mirror, and he doesn’t see how tired they look, how despairing they look. He sees how feminine they look, with his long, blonde eyelashes framing them. A sob catches in his throat. The mask he wears as the fearless leader is broken - he can't face anyone today, he can't let anyone see him like this. A pain stabs in his abdomen and a ragged gasp escapes Enjolras' lips. The pain snaps him back to reality. He realises his hand is shaking and regards it with the slight interest of someone whose mind has escaped his body. On days like these Enjolras wonders why he hasn't given up, and can never remember how he has kept going for so long. He has forgotten how to live. A tear rolls slowly down his cheek.

Enjolras' eyes are red and swollen when he hears a slight clicking coming from his front door. He doesn't have the energy or will to move. Grantaire pokes his head around the bathroom to find Enjolras curled up on the floor. Enjolras whimpers when he sees R and tries to curl into himself even more, but R just scoops him into his arms, ignoring Enjolras' protestations, and carries him into the living room.

"Bad day?" R asks with a soft look in his eyes. Enjolras doesn't reply. R wraps his arms around Enjolras, who curls into his side.  
"I brought you cookies from Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta, soup from Feuilly, craft beer from Bahorel which is slightly better than last time but I would still avoid it if I were you. What else? Oh, a book of poems about space from Jehan, a jumper joint-knitted by Cosette, Eponine and Marius - before you say anything, Marius actually has a talent for knitting, oh, and brownies and paracetamol, and a reminder to take off your binder because you've been wearing it far too long, from Court and Ferre. I know you feel like you're all alone on days like these, but you're really not. You have to understand that, and you have to let us help you. Ok?" Enjolras nods slowly.  
"Right, you go take off your binder, and I'll make some hot chocolate. Deal?"

Before R can stand up, Enjolras suddenly wraps his arms around him tightly, and buries his head in R's chest. R rubs Enjolras' back until he stops sobbing, and presses a kiss on the top of his head.  
"Binder off, hot chocolate, cuddles and movies. Let's go?"

Enjolras pushes himself up and goes to take his binder off, and by the time he gets back into the living room, R has laid out all the gifts from his friends, as well as 2 steaming mugs of hot chocolate, piled high with whipped cream and marshmallows, and has The Breakfast Club up on the TV.  
"Oh R, you didn't have to do all this," Enjolras says softly. R only smiles and pats the space beside him on the sofa.  
"You need to have some paracetamol and then enjoy the hot chocolate. I didn't win Les Amis hot chocolatier of the year the three years running for nothing, you know." With a smile on his face for the first time that day, Enjolras settles down beside the person he loves most in the world and, as R runs his fingers through his hair, Enjolras remembers why he hasn't given up.


End file.
